I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel like a drive thru vagina
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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