Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
