I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
