I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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