Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
