i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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