grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
