just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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