You smell like a Billy Joel song
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
