playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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