I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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