i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
