remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just found a bag of teeth...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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