I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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