I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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