Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
