is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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