if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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