shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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