Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
