I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
