I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
