There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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