Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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