Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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