Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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