I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
