did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
