We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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