Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
