There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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