Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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