Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What drink are we having for lunch?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
