I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
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HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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