if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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