Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
