ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
