i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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