I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize