is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
