I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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