That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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