i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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