I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
