I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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