she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
