Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize