thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
