ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
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Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize