I feel great
I just peed on a car
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
