My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
