porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
