p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
