Where is the hickey?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
