sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
