I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
